Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) Read online

  “I’m going to stop you there you foolish girl! Get that silly little notion out of your head now!” she yelled and gripped Sienna’s arms tightly and shook her slightly.

  “That boy is a Jackson; his family is made of money. Old money. His father is a US senator. His grandfather is so wealthy he could probably buy this town if he wanted. Their entire family is full of successful lawyers and businessmen. This time next year, he’ll be off to Harvard whilst you’re still here nothing more than a glorified high school graduate. As you said he’s smart. He’ll be off doing great things in the world. And you? You’ll be nothing more than a notch in a long list of notches on his belt. He’ll barely even remember your name.”

  “You’re wrong. He’s not like that. He’s…different.” Sienna meekly whispered back wishing she could put more conviction in to her timid voice. She didn’t even believe herself.

  “And I’m not just going to stay at home. I’ll study harder and win a scholarship.” She gulped trying not to feel so overwhelmed by the vile picture her mother’s words were creating. The thought of spending even a moment past high school at home felt unbearable to her. “Oh? And what if you don’t? Who will pay for all of these college fees, especially, if you want to go to an Ivy League college? Your father’s not here anymore. When he died, our main source of income died along with him. Its time to grow up Sienna and stop daydreaming! Sometimes you have to sacrifice your dreams for your family. Stop being so selfish for goodness sake!” Mrs. Rivers screeched desperate to get through to her stubborn naïve daughter. Why wouldn’t she just understand and listen? Was it honestly that hard? Instead all she wants to do is go gallivanting around the world and fool around with her dumb pretty boy boyfriend, she thought wretchedly.

  “I’ll get a job. I’ll babysit, I’ll waitress, I’ll tutor, I’ll get a loan or something! I‘ll figure it out.” Sienna shouted back angry with her mom for backing her in to a corner like this.

  “You still don’t understand. After high school, I need you here at home with me. We can’t just live off whatever your father left us, that will soon run out. And we can’t just live off of Meredith’s income.” Her mom replied sharply and looked at her expectantly with her eyebrows raised.

  “Oh and I’m the selfish one? Why can’t you go back to work?” Sienna asked shocked at her mother’s hypocrisy. It wasn’t as if Annie was an infant that needed constant care and besides she did her own homework and her sisters were the ones that practically raised her.

  “As what? I have no college degree. I didn’t even finish high school. You want me to become a maid? You want me to go out everyday cleaning houses? Is that what you want?” she cried with fresh tears flooding down her face. Sienna instantly felt a pang of guilt. Her mom was born in Colombia and came to America when she was only sixteen years old. Sienna’s Nana raised her mother alone and worked hard every day as a maid until she eventually passed away. Her mother rarely cried especially in front of the girls. So whenever she did, Sienna never knew what to do or say.

  “Mom, I’m so-“

  “I mean, what will people think? What would I say to them? How will I even show my face around town? Its bad enough that I have to live with the shame that your father put a gun in his mouth!” she sniveled and wiped her nose with a tissue she fished out from her purse. Suddenly Sienna lost all sympathy for her mother and shook her head sullenly.

  “Oh calm down mother, enough of the drama! Nobody is going to suddenly become a maid or become a housecleaner! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” She snapped back angrily. Her mom was clearly set on a mission to drive her insane with her with theatrical hypotheticals.

  “Listen to me,” her mother bellowed as she grabbed Sienna’s shoulders tightly as if she wished she were strangling her neck. “You will not see that boy again. Do you hear me? Never again! This little infatuation with him-it’s done. It’s over.” She hissed and shook her shoulders.

  “I don’t understand. Why? You love Logan! You’re not making any sense.” Sienna cried back in frustration.

  “Because I am your mother and for once in your life you will do what you’re told. Is that understood?” she screamed back.

  “Yes.” she replied sullenly which translated as ‘No’ in her mind instantly.

  “Good.” Maria sighed and wiped her tears then wandered off to the kitchen for her hourly fix. Wasn’t it bad enough that she had lost her father during Christmas of all times? She wasn’t going to suddenly let go of the one person in this world who filled her with euphoria and made her forget for just one single moment in her life that her father had killed himself knowing full well that one of his family members would find him. It turned out to be Annie who discovered his body first. Personally Sienna wondered if Phil Rivers hoped it was his wife who found him. It was no coincidence that his death had occurred just moments after his big fight with her mother. Sienna watched in cold teary silence as her mother began rifling through the cupboards in search for the pills the doctor had prescribed for her. The truth was she blamed her, as awful as the thought was sometimes Sienna wished her mother had been the one who killed herself and not her father. And as she saw Maria Rivers glaring back at her from the kitchen, she knew her mother wished for the same thing. Sienna only wondered why?

  3.

  “Seriously, you’d rather study Biology than sneak out and have fun with me? C’mon Rivers, seize the day; you’re young, you’re beautiful and not to mention already crazy smart! You’ve got to give yourself a break and live a little.” He persuaded her so ardently she couldn’t help but laugh at his feeble attempts to rendezvous with him. He really would make a great lawyer one day.

  “And maybe…just maybe…I miss you a little too much.” Logan’s thick deep velvety voice sent waves of electricity all of her. Even the sound of his voice sent her heart rate skyrocketing. And just like that somehow he’d won the case and her heart once again.

  “Easy there Jackson, exclusivity's making you soft.” She purred back to him playing his game. “I can’t Logan. My mom’s still carrying out her hateful vendetta against you. Honestly I think she knows it’s just the cruelest form of punishment I can receive. Besides all of us can party til the sun comes up and ace our SAT exams all at once.”

  “Ah the path of greatness is a lonely one, grasshopper. But who better to tutor you than I?” he said dramatically.

  “Trust me I’m very good with biology. I’m pretty sure I could teach you a thing or two.” He then added on a slightly more serious note in a low seductive tone. Sienna gulped at that statement. I bet he could, that voice cackled in her voice again. Sienna felt her mouth go dry and tucked her a dark strand of silken hair behind her ear nervously. She was glad he wasn’t here before her to see her blush.

  “I’m sure you could teach me a lot more than just a thing or two but I can’t sneak out, not tonight anyway. My mom’s been watching me like a hawk. And I still have to sort out those damn boxes in the garage. Rain check?” she asked as she put a hand to her burning cheeks. She felt hot all over and she knew it wasn’t just because of the warm weather. “Sure. What about tomorrow night? You could come over to my house for dinner… if you want?” he asked hesitantly.

  “Your house? I haven’t been there since we were what…five or six? I don’t know Logan.” She instantly replied feeling anxious and nervous.

  “Oh come on, its not as bad as it sounds. You’ll have fun. Besides what better way to show your mom that I’m not just taking advantage of you an that we’re serious about each other than having you over for dinner to meet the folks?” he said persuasively.

  “Sure, I’ll be there.” She gulped wondering how her mom would take the news.

  “Good.”

  “I’ll call you later?”

  “’Kay.”

  After two long strenuous hours of studying cell signaling and damn evolution, Sienna felt lightheaded and overloaded with information she knew for sure she’d forget immediately after her exam. She went
downstairs to find everybody occupied in their own bedrooms. Only her mom paced the passageway hollering on the phone to a girlfriend as if she were a prison guard and not a housewife. This is the way it had been since her father had died. He was the cement that held the bricks together in her household. Without him, they were just separate broken fragments of what once was a whole home. Her mom hung up the cellphone and began putting her mascara on whilst facing the large mirror placed in the corridor next to the front door.

  “I’m going out to dinner with a friend. I’ll be back soon. So don’t even think about inviting your boyfriend over.” She said the word ‘boyfriend’ with such disgust Sienna earnestly wondered why her mother hated Haven Falls’ golden boy and football hero so much. Well, at least she had finally come to terms with the fact that he was indeed her boyfriend. So that was progress at any rate.

  “I won’t.” she replied whilst silently summoning up the courage to tell her about her plans for Saturday.

  “Make sure you empty out all of those cardboard boxes and put them in the recycling trash can. I want all of your father’s things boxed up and put away neatly in the garage. Put his clothes in to charity bags.”

  “Okay.” She replied. The mention of putting her father’s things away suddenly put a dampener on her courage to yell at her mom about her date. It wasn’t exactly the best time as both mother and daughter avoided eye contact and blinked rapidly in order to hold their tears back at bay. Her mother opened the front door and turned to leave. “Mom?” Sienna called hesitantly.

  “Yes?” she replied curiously as she faced her.

  “Have a nice night out, you deserve it,” said Sienna sincerely. Maria’s hazel eyes softened at the sincerity of her daughter’s voice. They rarely had such moments like this. She wondered when the last time was when she had even touched her daughter other than to teach her a lesson. She wanted to hug her daughter, to kiss her cheeks and to tell her she loved her just as she did when Sienna was a baby. But instead she turned her head away abruptly and simply walked towards her car ignoring her burning emotions and repressing her guilt. Sienna shut the door and made her way to the garage. It was a small garage barely big enough to fit just the one car in. the wall was still marred with red. No matter how hard Sienna had tried to wash it off it just wouldn’t go, much like anguish he’d left behind in her heart. At the end of the room lay boxes of her father’s old football t-shirts and bowling trophies and all the other possessions that belonged to him. She quietly sobbed as she placed them in to the trashcan. Her mother didn’t want anything in the house to remind them of their father. Its as if he never existed.

  “This is what human life is reduced to? A trashcan full of old vinyl the Beatles records and an old Philadelphia Eagles jersey?” she spat out looking up at the ceiling waiting stupidly for a response. Instead she was met with devastating silence.

  “Are you even here?” she asked throwing her hands up in the air. No response.

  “Do you even care?” she whispered sniffing and put her hands on her hips as she looked around the room for even the slightest hint of a sign. A door creaking or the light bulb flickering or a gust of wind or a blinding white light or a burning bush or a loud authorative voice that put Morgan Freeman to shame. Nothing. There was nothing but deafening silence. In fact come to think of it the house had never sounded so eerily quiet.

  “No reply, as usual. Well of course not. How rude of me to ask.” She sighed as she wiped another salty droplet that ran down her face. Her heart plummeted to her gut as she felt waves of disappointment and foolishness washing over as it usually did whenever she reached out to Him. She didn’t know why she was surprised, yet the silence never stopped her from reaching out again the next night. No matter how alone she felt, no matter how broken she felt in the ‘sanctity’ and ‘safety’ of her home, no matter how low she felt at times, Sienna never gave up hope. Because if she gave up her hope and faith in the fact that there was someone who loved her and cared for her and watched over her as she slept, then indeed she would be broken. Sienna clung on to her blind faith in God because it was the only thing that kept her going.

  Her greatest fear was that someday her faith would not be enough. One day she’d give in to the voices in her head and cave in. One day she would finally summon up the courage to finish it all instead of just standing there like a fool with a razor clasped in a shaking clammy hand, eyes clenched shut, murmuring encouragements to do it, then eventually sighing and retreating from the idea just as she had a countless number of times. Perhaps tranquil silence was the sign she so desperately craved, who knew? Sienna’s family were raised as devout Catholics and frequently visited the church and never missed Sunday morning mass. Her family held God in their hearts and prayed to him before every meal. At least they used to before her father’s passing. Sienna firmly believed that God existed she just didn’t understand his stance on mankind. Let’s just say God and Sienna had such an on again off again relationship.

  She remembered the morning of the funeral. All the girls were running around the house in their black dresses looking for their mother’s goddamn veil. Sienna eventually found it in their parents’ bedroom wherein she had previously already searched in. let’s just say tensions and emotions were running high that day and Meredith was ready to snap at just about anyone. She remembered how her sister shouted at her and spoke to her with so much hatred.

  “You’re so useless. Is there any day you can’t manage to screw up? We’re going to be late to our own father’s funeral just because you couldn’t find the damn veil.” She hissed and snatched it off the drawer.

  Her mother and Cora sighed out of frustration. She remembered how her mother swore at her explicitly as she put her veil on. She had never felt more alone and cornered in her life. Sienna had a high threshold for pain and the patience of a saint on most days but the day of her father’s funeral was not one of them.

  “How is it my fault that she lost her veil?” she asked irritably. Immediately after her remark Sienna was bombarded with a frenzy of insults. She was used to being everybody’s punch bag. She was stupid for taking their comments to heart. She knew that her family were upset and that they probably didn’t mean a word they were saying but she was so overwhelmed with hurt she couldn’t stop those traitorous tears from flowing. This only angered them even further.

  “Oh great, now you’re crying!” Meredith rolled her eyes. Cora naturally followed suit of course, as she was physically incapable of not mimicking every action and derisive movement that her evil twin made towards their younger sister.

  “Today’s not about you. It’s about Dad, but oh no somehow you have to make the day all about you! Well, I guess this day happened because of you!” Meredith spat as she stood over a teary guilt-ridden Sienna who sat on the bed.

  “Meredith!” their mother cautioned.

  “What? Its true mom! We all know it’s her fault!” Cora huffed and crossed her stocky arms over her chest and glared at Sienna angrily.

  “No. It’s not my fault.” She instantly replied shaking her head already knowing what they were going to accuse her of.

  “If you hadn’t argued and belittled him and had just listened and respected him more than maybe he wouldn’t have been so depressed.” Meredith sneered. Now it was her turn to get teary-eyed as she turned her face away as if she couldn’t bear to look at Sienna. This wasn’t fair. How was it her fault?

  “Its not your fault. Its not your fault.” Sienna whispered to herself as she shook her head from side to side as if she were physically trying to shake the voices out. ‘We all know its your fault! Why won’t you just admit it for once!’

  “Its not my fault. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You weren’t even there!”

  “Oh I wasn’t there? I wasn’t the one was playing dress up and who went partying all night long. I was the one who called the damn ambulance; I was the one who had to tell the officers what had happened. Me!”

  “No, I’m
not talking to you.” ‘Oh come on! Confessions good for the sooouuul!’ the voice sang in her head. Sienna spun around but saw no one.

  “Oh here she goes again with the cuckoo act. This pretending not to here thing is getting old.” Cora snorted from her position next to the doorway. Her mother was too busy looking at her reflection in the mirror lost in her own thoughts and was barely noticing the havoc behind her.

  “Sienna, listen to your sisters.” She sighed as if she were a five-year-old not finishing her vegetables.

  “What? Just stop talking please? All of you!” Sienna begged as she gripped her temples with her hands.

  “See mom this is exactly what I was talking about! She has so much attitude! She doesn’t even listen!” Meredith snapped. Her brown eyes looked crazed and deranged. Sienna even in her dysfunctional trembling state abstractedly wondered if her sister was heavily intoxicated. Her words sounded slurred. In fact the room looked a little blurry. There were in fact two Meredith’s and two Cora’s. Sienna was surrounded by four of the same angry brown-eyed button-nosed round face. She could’ve sworn she had nightmare of this once. It felt as though she had walked in to a dark house of mirrors except each mirror reflected a different family member. What was happening? She thought frantically.

  “This is all your fault.” Cora sneered once more. “It was past midnight, Mom and Dad had gone to their bedroom. They were talking about you!” Meredith hissed and put her hands on her hips filling up most of the mirror.