Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) Page 20

  “I never knew for certain but I had always had a hunch that my father and your mother were having an affair. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it’s the way they acted around each other when we were kids, way too friendly, way too flirty. And the way your mom kept asking about my parents when I came to your house after I came back to town. I knew she was really asking about my dad. And with my dad’s track record with infidelity I did a little digging in to his high school yearbook. They were high school sweethearts. So when you told me about the creepy love letters it all but confirmed my theory.” He said candidly.

  “Modern day Sherlock Holmes.” She teased him and lay on her side facing him with her hand on his chest.

  “Hardly. Plus Annabelle’s a beauty, it only makes sense that she shares my impeccably stellar good genes.” He smirked.

  “Logan Jackson, the living embodiment of arrogance, self-entitlement, hubris, smugness, -“

  “Don’t forget cocky, you’re so sweet, you always forget cocky.” He said finishing her sentences as always.

  “What’s that?” he asked regarding the envelope in her hand.

  “Its my dad’s note, the suicide note he left me.” She said solemnly and looked at it as if she didn’t know what to do with it.

  “You haven’t read it yet?” he asked in surprise.

  “I just…haven’t found the right time to do it yet I guess.” She lied badly.

  “Or is it because you’re afraid of what you’ll find inside?”

  “I know he wasn’t the perfect father but he was the only father I ever knew and even though he knew I was never his, he still loved me. He still taught me how to tie my shoe laces, he helped me with my math homework, sure his parental skills at times were a little unethical and he had a temper on him but he was still my dad…and he loved me.” She said obstinately more to herself than to Logan.

  “I know.” He whispered and tucked her hair behind her ear.

  “Do you want me to hold on to it for you until you’re ready?” he asked gently knowing that she wasn’t ready to handle reliving his death with the words he’d left behind.

  “Yes.” she exhaled thankful that he had offered. He took it from her.

  “Logan, why did you never visit me when I was locked up in the psych ward? I waited for you almost every day…but you never came. Not once. You’ve never even asked me about it.” she said suddenly.

  “Because I don’t want to know. I don’t want to hear about how lonely you must have felt, how abandoned, how betrayed you felt. I just…I can’t.” Logan told her in a strained voice.

  “I thought I saw you once.” She said woefully and quickly wiped her eyes.

  “You did. It was when I first got out of the wheelchair and was able to walk around in crutches. I went over there to…I don’t even know, talk to you or something but I couldn’t. I watched you sitting on your bed, wide-eyed and half out of it ‘cos of the meds and I just… I couldn’t handle it and you know what the worst part was?”

  “What?”

  “You saw me. I just let you think you were dreaming or hallucinating again. I just pretended as if you didn’t even exist even though you were the one person I loved most in the world. I was so angry at you for wanting to die that I didn’t even realize that you were sick.” He said with his jaw clenched staring up at the sky burning holes in to it. He was so mad at himself. The truth was he stayed away from her in order to punish himself, not her because a small part of him blamed himself for her attempted suicide although he’d never tell her that.

  “Years of love have been forgot. In the hatred of a minute.” She quoted quietly.

  “Edgar Allen Poe. “I was never really insane except upon occasions where my heart was touched.” If that’s true then when I’m with you I should forever remain in a white strait-jacket.” He said whimsically and gave her a small sad smile.

  “Stealing off a dead man? Classy.” She remarked dryly.

  “Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.”

  “T.S. Eliot, that just makes you an old thief.”

  “Well, let’s see what you can come up with Wordsworth.” Logan goaded her delightfully.

  “Fine.” She replied determinedly taking him up on the challenge and looked around at a loss for words. He grinned as he noticed this. Her eyes widened as she saw a pair of ruby throated hummingbirds near her hummingbird feeder. She cleared her throat.

  “Our love is like these pretty little birds. The hummingbird is the smallest bird in the world, to everyone else it is small, insignificant and easily dismissed yet so hard to ignore. You can’t help but marvel at its beauty, at the flashes of its vibrant colors, the majestic fluttering of its wings and its fighting strength. It’s rapid heartbeat never ceasing in its pace, forever thriving, and a constant in this ever-changing world. You are my hummingbird and I am yours.” She said tenderly surprising herself by coming up with something so quick.

  “There.” She said with a confident smirk on her pretty face and a wicked gleam in her bright fiery green eyes. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

  “You do know that ruby throated hummingbirds don’t mate for life?” he told her shrewdly, pressing his lips together trying hard not to smile. She groaned and hid her face in her pillow.

  “Well I didn’t exactly have any penguins at my disposal! Fine, whatever like you could do better and FYI you’re totally the nerd among us now.” she said grumpily hating the fact that he was obviously the smarter one now.

  “Only when I’m with you.” He said softly. Sienna yawned. Her eyelids drooped slightly as she turned away from him sleepily. He pulled her back to him surprising her to no end. His hand rested upon her hip and hers fell automatically against his back. Hell, she sure was awake now. Her startled thrilled eyes met his tranquil expressive ones. She felt as though she could get lost in those eyes forever, an everlasting sea of darkness and mystery.

  “My love for you is like the ocean, vast and great, forever expanding, a force to be reckoned with and never ending to the eye of the beloved. It comes and hits me with force from time to time, drawing me in and then pushing me back the pulling me in again, not unexpectedly but still effortlessly like when the tide rolls in and the waves meet the shore in perfect unison echoing the sound of an immortal heart that beats on long after my soul leaves this body.” He said amorously, his voice deep and rich in texture causing heat to rise up her cheeks and her breathing to grow uneven.

  “There I said it. Don’t you dare ever make me say it again.” He told her firmly and abruptly rolled her back on to her side. She sat up astonished and astounded and turned to face him once more.

  “Wow…did you like steal that off an eCard or a hallmark card? Logan Jackson! Are you a closet poet?” she asked elatedly still stunned by his profound touching words of love for her. This was not the same boy who spent most of his time getting wasted at parties, fooling around with girls and pranking freshmen kids all year long.

  This was someone else completely and he thrilled and excited her more than anyone ever had. Maybe for once the movies were right. Love changes people.

  “Ah honey, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He told her with a small smile as she leaned close to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “Sienna, what are we?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We talk all night til the sun comes up, we enjoy each other’s company, we…we kiss, we make out, and we cry, we laugh, we profess our undying love for each other. Come on, Sienna you know what I’m asking. Are we…together?” he asked hesitantly.

  “I don’t know, Logan. When I’m with you…its like I lose myself.” She replied timidly. He paused for a moment, pondering upon her words.

  “When I’m with you I find myself. I’m the best version of me when I’m with you and without you I’m miserable, I’m horrible, I’m frustrated, I’m angry. I spent so much time trying to convince myself that I didn’t love you that I didn’t need you because you were the las
t person I needed. I didn’t want to love you. I was afraid of ever getting too close to someone after thinking for so long that I was going to die but life is short, Sienna. Amber taught us that pretty well. So I’m going to say this one more time even though you’re probably sick to death of hearing it. I love you Sienna Rivers.”

  “I love you too.” She replied sealing her words with a kiss answering his question.

  Read the third installment in the “Beautiful Bedlam” series…

  “Broken Wings”

  Senior year, SAT exams, high school dances, college applications and having sex for the first time, were all the things looming on Sienna Rivers’ mind as she and Logan’s relationship grew stronger and more rampantly passionate with each passing day, but will they be able to withstand the social pressures colliding on them from all corners of life?

  Heartbreak. Drama. Turmoil.

  But what happens when Sienna starts noticing Logan’s erratic behavior following the death of his sister? And when he begins to notice Sienna’s abnormal behavior as her hallucinations become increasingly common. And how will the star-crossed lovers handle the adjoining of their highly dysfunctional families for the first time for the sake of Annabelle?

  When Logan suggests that they take a break, will things turn for the worst at his eighteenth birthday party? And if so, are things really over between them, this time for good?

  And of course then there is Will Blake, the gorgeous twenty-two year old British teacher with dark hair, pensive violet blue eyes, a heart of gold and an interest in Sienna that is becoming seemingly more and more apparent. Will Sienna be able to resist her growing attraction for him? Will their friendship ever turn in to something more?

  Read the first three chapters of “Broken Wings”…

  1.

  “Have you ever felt like your life was so perfect at one point or another in your life that you pause for a moment, pinch yourself, seriously asking is this real or am I just dreaming again?” Sienna asked wistfully with a far away look in her incandescent emerald green eyes.

  “Are you asking this because you’ve recently experienced this feeling?”

  Sienna Rivers looked up at Dr. Nichols and gave him her dazzling smile that always unsettled him because he always knew it would soon be followed by a quipping retort or a dry remark that always seemed to belittle him despite being thrice her age.

  “No, I was just curious and thinking of ways to talk about anything and everything other than myself which to my calculations ranged from high school prom queen politics of which I have no interest or care in whatsoever to the conflict in the Middle East to the disturbingly large growing body count in Game of Thrones and now to dreams. Oh lookie there, times up doc.” She remarked wittily as her emerald eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall with a look of pure innocence on that angelic face.

  And there it was.

  “Sienna, this is our last therapy session.” He sighed and set his glasses and notebook of scribbles on to his desk.

  “Trust me doc, I know. I’ve been counting down the seconds since I walked in to this office.” She told him airily as she stood up to leave the office in the psych ward she’d been admitted to after the train ‘incident’. As part of her release terms as she liked to call it, she had to talk about her therapist about how she was ‘coping’ and ‘dealing’ with life as a teenager diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness no amount of drugs could ever really cure, something she’d have to deal with everyday. What’s her answer every time?

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure there’s nothing else you’d like to talk about?” he asked earnestly.

  “Nothing comes to mind.”

  “Can I ask you something? Why is it that you don’t like me?” Dr. Nichols asked abruptly just as Sienna was poised to leave shocking her by his apparent curiosity that she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt and wished she’d been nicer to him when all he ever wanted to do was help her. He like many others had slowly joined the list of victims who suffered the wrath of the great Sienna Rivers when they tried to help her. She didn’t like it and she most certainly didn’t want it no matter how desperately she needed it.

  “Ah come on doc, its not that I don’t like you, its that I’m merely indifferent to you that’s all. Plus I don’t like the fact that you unconsciously twiddle your thumb and index finger a lot as if you’re already counting the money that is wired to your account after every mopey “session” we have together.” She said frankly using her fingers as air quotes.

  “But the fact that you have an unopened bottle of a twenty year old scotch that you’ve had for I’m guessing for probably two years judging by the two year sobriety chip you keep right next to it makes you far more appealing to me as a human being so I overlook the greed for money. Get rich or die tryin’ right doc?”

  “You’ve looked in my drawer?” he blinked unfathomably at her several times.

  “And your filing cabinet. That’s what happens when you’re late to your appointments doc; I’d advice depositing your alimony checks to your disgruntled wife after business hours preferably through online banking.”

  Dr. Nichols looked at her tentatively for a moment with wide unblinking eyes, his face then relaxed and broke out in to a smile.

  “You’re scary sometimes, you know that right? I’m gonna miss you kid.”

  “How very unprofessional of you but thoughtful nonetheless. Thanks Dr. Nichols, in a weird way I’ll miss you too. Enough with the frowns, trust me I’m fine, I’ve been taking my meds, I’m as healthy as a horse.” She lied easily; it was becoming second nature to her. Well in honest truth Sienna’s hallucinations had calmed down, sure she still saw the dove, the raven and Smeags her loveable three legged Persian cat but not once had she seen her father. She sort of missed that.

  “Alright, even though our time is up are you sure you don’t want to talk about your mom or Logan?” Dr. Nichols asked as he scratched his shiny baldhead.

  “Everything is fine, doc. Mom’s still a bitch but she’s trying to suppress her vile personality at an attempt to better our damaged beyond repair mother daughter relationship since she witnessed my suicide attempt six months ago.”

  “And Logan? How are you two?”

  “Logan is…Logan is Logan. He’s complicated but nothing I cant figure out or handle.” She replied with great hesitation unsure of what to say.

  “That’s for sure. They’re going to love you in Harvard next year.”

  “Not too sure on Harvard anymore. I’m leaning more towards Stanford, way more sun.”

  “Either way, they’re lucky to have you. As long as you keep your strict routine and take your medication on time and stay away from pressure triggers.” He reminded her firmly and kindly all at once strangely reminding her of her late father Phil Rivers. He wasn’t her biological father but he had raised her his entire life. She’d only discovered this decrepit little fact a few months before after his death and still didn’t know whom her real father was and if he was even alive.

  “And do yourself a favor watch out who you date online, there are a lot of catfishes out there.” Sienna quipped with her eyes on her therapist’s open apple MacBook that he quickly shut to conceal his eHarmony profile.

  “Goodbye Sienna.” He chuckled shaking his head as he sat down in his chair.

  “Bye!” she yelled jovially over her shoulder as she quickly departed the building.

  The first thing she noticed as she got to the hospital parking lot wasn’t the cherry red sheen of a sleek 1969 Ford mustang convertible. No. Rather, it was the handsome chiseled dark haired stud who leaned against it with his hands in the pockets of his Levi’s, a pair of ray bans that hid those remarkable dark fiery eyes, he wore a dimpled smile and a simple white t-shirt that only his exquisite form could make look spectacular. Her boyfriend. The weather was beautiful today, the sun shone, the sky was the perfect shade of blue, and Sienna could feel both the heat and the breeze aga
inst her skin. Or maybe the shivers she got were simply the physical response every girl got when they were in the vicinity of Logan Jackson.

  “Hey,” she said timidly as she approached him suddenly feeling shy despite seeing him just an hour beforehand.

  “Hey yourself,” he replied smoothly, his voice like velvet rich and deep as he took his shades off and squinted slightly in the sunlight.

  It wasn’t long before he pulled her back in to one of his heart meltingly body tremblingly electric kisses, holding her face in his hands then running her hands through her dark tresses and holding her close to him. She kissed him back with equal fervency, her lips pressed against his with her mind in the clouds with no clue of what was going on around her, lost in his touch and loving embrace. The couple only pulled away from each other still dizzy and drunk in love that they didn’t notice the car waiting behind them clearly eager to take Logan’s spot in the parking lot nor the group of giggling girls Sienna had stayed with at the psych ward standing by the window watching them make out as if their life depended on it. She blushed scarlet and looked away from Logan abashed unable to even look him in the eyes as she quickly retreated to the passenger seat of his vehicle.

  “It’s okay, take your time, really.” The middle-aged man chortled from his SUV.

  “Howie!” his wife reprimanded and looked at the love-struck lustful teenagers depreciatively shaking her head in disapproval. Logan just looked unfazed as always immune to shame and waved at the guy behind him then at the girls in the window who were probably besides themselves now fainting or something before getting in to the car.